People will confess things to you when anonymity plays a central role.
They'll tell you about their sex lives, how good or bad it is, or once was.
The longest ride I had lasted almost an hour. I had two guys from the South Bay telling me about how the Dodgers won and would be winning the World Series. Both were drunk beyond recognition, putting an emphasis on Ub3r's benefit.
After watching one of them scissor walk his way across his front lawn and onto his porch, we drove off to Long Beach.
Although Ub3r discourages this, I decided not to charge the riders a split fare/multiple destination fee. The guy going to Long Beach told me about his childhood dream of being in the military and then being in law enforcement, both cut short by a horrific accident that ended in him losing a couple inches in height.
He offered me employment at his workplace, but never mentioned the name of the company.
$23.25.
And a pack of menthol Skoal. By the time I realized he had left it, I was already on my way back up the 405.
I had a group of three guys mention how most men are gay on the DL (down-low). Most gay men don't care whether another man identifies as gay. All that matters is that the sex is good and the sex is constant. Sexual identity is so diverse and complicated that I didn't say much to them. The only thing more impacting than their confession was the distinct smell of marijuana emanating from all three.
Anonymity plays a big part in a rider's confession and I believe it's because they are in the back seat and our faces never truly meet. They feel as if the conversation is as personal as a random phone call, except this dial tone ends once the wheels stop turning.
I've had girls tell me about their sex lives, in and outside of bars. Yes, IN and OUTSIDE of bars. One of them told me she arrived at a bar after the 2AM cut off and ordered something a bit more relaxing. The bartender was her friend, whose pelvic thrust couldn't last longer than 2 minutes, but "he was cute and strong so it didn't really matter."
She described her experience in such detail it began to make me feel uncomfortable.
I ended up dropping her off at a mansion at the peak of the Hollywood hills.
Sometimes I wonder if they tell me these things to gauge my reaction or if they truly trust me. Other times I feel they just tell me because they can't tell anyone else these things and speaking to someone who will never see you again is cathartic.
That's probably why they usually keep talking even after we have arrived at their destination. The best listeners are those who never seem like they are urging to interrupt you, but rather truly taking in everything you have to say.
I've had girls cry in the car, blow their nose so hard I though their lung popped out, and guys carry on about how much they hate this city and wish they never moved here.
Don't get me wrong, everyone is cool and down to earth, but when the only light in the car is the dashboard and the only sound apart from your voice is SiriusXM, the conversation can go places you never dreamed of.
- Crenshaw
Thursday...
Starting a new job can be nerve-wracking. You spent weeks, maybe months trying to land something good and you finally do. Your boss, your coworkers, your subordinates (if you're lucky to have any), and your clients all seem like pieces of the puzzle you're struggling to put together.
Ub3r is no different, except you spend 1 week waiting for your background to clear and voila! You get an iPhone 4 in the mail and a nice suede box welcoming you to the family.
My first night I wasn't sure what to expect. I'd heard horror stories of drivers being robbed, stabbed, raped, and almost being murdered. But this was LA, this is my home city that I left for almost 6 years only to come back and find myself in the driver seat of a lost path.
So I sign in to my Ub3r driver app and hit the road. Within a couple of minutes I get a call to an address at a dead end. I hit the "Arrived" button on the cell phone and two guys jump in.
"Make a left on Ohio, left on Santa Monica, and a right on Westwood. It'll be on the left hand side, don't speed, and don't kills us."
$5.50
I made $5.50 in 10 minutes. This can't be too bad can it? Taking orders from someone in the back seat?
The next couple of rides were quick, Point A to Point B locations, small talk here and there.
The down time spent in between rides waiting for a dispatch, I spent mainly looking out my driver side window at the city night. Here I am, 26 years old, with a graduate degree, driving people around to their boutiques and lavish lives.
I noticed that almost every other car I saw on the road had the Ub3r placard in the windshield: the competition was fierce.
At the end of the night, my gross earnings amount to $122.32 (7pm to 1 am). The catch with this is that only 80% is mine and at the end of the tax year I am responsible for reporting this income for deduction purposes. As a single male in California with no dependents, I am looking at a 25-30% tax rate, taken from the already lowered 80% earnings of every ride.
Account for the gas spent on Ub3r and I end up looking like a chump.
The night life can bring out interesting layers of human behavior and I couldn't wait to see what was in store the next day.
Things are different in the dark. Sometimes the shadows of the night play games on you. What seems to be a dog turns out being a black plastic bag blowing down an alley. Walking into a 7-Eleven after 2AM in California is like walking into a movie that started 30 minutes ago. You're trying to figure out what the f-ck is happening and why only bits and pieces of the characters make any sense.
This darkness brings the worst out of some people, specially those who make a career out of victimizing others.
But for others, things aren't so grim.
Human behavior also looks and feels different after dark, when the nightlife opens up endless possibilities.
This small blog is a recollection of past, current, and future observations I've made of human behavior after dark.
Join me, as we take a small ride in the back seat of my memory, and as I tell you what it's like to work as an Ub3r driver.
- Crenshaw
